Editor’s note: We apologize for the late filing of this story. The RBYP Convention ran very late due to disruptions in the schedule. Every time there was a break, each rodent had to go bury their nuts in their favorite location, thus prolonging the break times. Further, chants of “P. Nut Squirrel! P. Nut Squirrel!” were inevitably interrupted by the Puppy Party’s VP candidate, Arya’s, appearance through the back door to investigate. The delegates had to wait for Arya’s reentry to the house before regathering and continuing the program.

NASHVILLE, TN. The RBYP (Rodent Backyard Party) held its convention in the back yard this weekend.

Saturday’s agenda included the nomination of Vice-Presidential Candidate, C. Ariel Squirrel. Ariel is a Southern flying squirrel, nocturnal.

In Sunday’s business, the rodent party celebrated their Presidential ticket with copious amounts of peanuts. Once all the nuts had been buried, Mr. P. Nut Squirrel gave his long-awaited acceptance speech. (Transcript is below.)

Transcript of speech by Mr. P. Nut Squirrel:

We are here today to declare that the Back Yard should be safe again! Free from predators! Free from harassment! Free from attacks! Free from dogs! Make the Back Yard safe again.

When the ferocious Scottish Terrier, Jack, my opponent, moved to the Back Yard, things were tense, very tense. But there was still a measure of decorum. Scotties, though bred to hunt rodents, are not that fast.

However, a New Dog came, a Porch Dog — Arya is her name. Bred in who-knows-where. A Questionable Background for a house dog. And this dog, who has been nominated to be Vice President of the Back Yard, is relentless in her pursuit of rodents.

And now, with the addition of a dog door, there is a new level of unfettered access to the Back Yard. Now, at any moment, a ferocious Porch Dog may come hurdling through the door. Many rodents have barely escaped her reach.

I promise that if I am elected president of the back yard, I will build a wall. A wall to protect the back yard from the Puppy Party.

Furthermore, I call on officials to investigate the background of the Vice Presidential candidate of the Puppy Party. Is this porch dog even eligible to be on the Ticket?!

Unlike my Vice-Presidential running mate, a rodent of the highest credentials, born right here in our own back yard. C. Ariel Squirrel, a Flying Squirrel, nocturnal. She lives in constant vigilance, keeping all rodents of the Back Yard safe.

In closing, I happily accept your nomination to run for President of the Back Yard. Make the Back Yard safe again! Make the Back Yard safe again! Make the Back Yard safe again!

Stay tuned to future updates from the Back Yard Campaign.