NASHVILLE, TN. – The following letter was released today by the campaign of Mr. P. Nut Squirrel, candidate for President of the Back Yard. Mr. Squirrel is running for President of the Back Yard against Olympic Champion, Jack the Scottie, and his running mate, Arya.
An Open Letter to the Voters in the Back Yard,
I am writing you with great concern over the Vice Presidential Candidate for the Puppy Party, this “Porch Dog,” Arya. She may look cute, but she is, in reality, an Attack Dog, taking every chance possible to chase squirrels off the deck. This deck should be accessible to every creature of the back yard habitat. The porch is unattainable to many rodents at this time because of the exclusive policies of the puppy party.
I have previously expressed my concerns about this “Porch Dog.” We don’t know where she is from. We don’t know whether she is qualified to be on the campaign ticket. She may not even be legally eligible.
In fact, if she can prove that her lineage is appropriate, I will eat these words. And, further, I will donate $100 dollars to the puppy charity of her choice. If not, then she should withdraw her candidacy and go harass someone else’s porch.
Mr. P. Nut Squirrel
Candidate for President of the Back Yard
Rodent Party
Jack the Scottie 
Oh my! these are serious issues. will there be response coming from the campaign or others in the know? As to Arya’s elgibility for the ticket that is the least of my concerns. These seem to be mere smear tactics like the hoomans engage in. But being inhospitable and prohibiting the rodents of the backyard equalty of access flies in the face of some of my deeply held beliefs and values. Will the other voters like the birds be concerned about this as well?
You crack me up, Jack! ;-> Give your Mom a hug for me! Sharon Webb
[…] TN. Arya the “Porch Dog” took time out of her busy Olympic schedule to respond today to a scathing open letter from Mr. P. Nut Squirrel, presidential candidate for the opposing party in the run for president of […]
The security of her hooman is of the utmost importance in her mind.
[…] Give us your best guess of Arya’s heritage. (Arya has submitted a DNA sample in response to Mr. P. Nut Squirrel’s claim that she is unfit to serve as Vice President of the Back […]
Perhaps the platform issue:
Is the VP responsible for protection of the backyard?
Or, is the VP responsible for safety of the backyard inhabitants?
Comparatively speaking….is VP over Peacekeepers or Homeland security?
Very good thoughts for our planning team. Thank you Carolyn. – Jack
We think you are neato. -Arya
[…] P. Nut Squirrel challenged the eligibility of Arya to serve as VP since she was a Porch Dog of unknown origin. Mr. Squirrel declared, […]
[…] further, since I have been forced to contribute $100 dollars to a Puppy Charity, I insist that the owners of the Dog Door should pay for the Wall that will protect the deck from […]