NASHVILLE, TN. Arya the “Porch Dog” took time out of her busy Olympic schedule to respond today to a scathing open letter from Mr. P. Nut Squirrel, presidential candidate for the opposing party in the run for president of the back yard. Mr. Squirrel has challenged the eligibility of Arya’s nomination for vice president representing the puppy party.
Arya’s response is as follows:
Yes. I am a Porch Dog. And I am not ashamed of my heritage, whatever it is. This back yard, this neighborhood, this entire world is filled with Porch Dogs like me. Mutts with a rich background of diverse cultures.
I have proudly consented to take a DNA test to determine my lineage and I am confident that this test will confirm my eligibility for service.
I thank Mr. Squirrel for his generous offer to donate $100 to a puppy charity if I am deemed fit for service. My campaign will add a further $50 to this effort.
Jack and I would like to thank you all for your support through this challenging time. We invite you to participate with us in a little contest, the details of which will be announced by our campaign tomorrow.
In closing, I wanted to say that you all are very kind, very neato, and very cool.
(Stay tuned for contest details.)