NASHVILLE, TN. The following is press release from Mr. P. Nut Squirrel, Candidate for President of the Back Yard, Rodent Party.
After careful scrutiny of the DNA documents, I admit that my opponent’s Vice Presidential Candidate, Arya, is eligible to serve on the ticket. I can, in fact, testify to her terrier roots due to the fact that she chases me off the porch every chance she can get.
I have, in fact, been unable, for many days, to approach the porch to give my statement. Since the Installation of the Evil Dog Door, my constituents have been chased and harassed at every turn. I reiterate my campaign promise to Build a Wall — A Strong and Tall Wall — between my people and the Dog Door.
And, further, since I have been forced to contribute $100 dollars to a Puppy Charity, I insist that the owners of the Dog Door should pay for the Wall that will protect the deck from Arya’s never-ending harassment.
I, Mr. P. Nut Squirrel, would like to personally thank Tracy, the owner and proprietor of Camp Tracy, for her generous invitation to host the Puppy Party’s Candidates for several days of campaigning and recreation at her fine establishment. My people have been enjoying unfettered access to the deck during their absence. Tracy, please keep Jack and Arya as long as you would like to. Or even longer would be Very Good.
Thank you for your time and attention.
Mr. P. Nut Squirrel
Candidate for President of the Back Yard, Rodent Party