A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE BACK YARD CAMPAIGN
NASHVILLE, TN. Today, in a surprise press conference, representatives of both parties in the ongoing back yard Presidential Campaign announced that they would take a few days off from campaigning.
Jack the Scottie, candidate for president representing the Puppy Party, said, “All the creatures of the Back Yard got together and decided that we just needed a break from campaigning. I have decided that the most important thing is to be professional, kind, and caring. I am personally donating my extra hair to the mice and squirrels for winterizing their dens.”
Mr. P. Nut Squirrel, candidate for president representing the Rodent Party appeared via video due to his last disastrous appearance on the deck. Mr. Squirrel said that this is the perfect time to take a break because all the members of the Rodent Party are trying to get their homes ready before the first freeze. “I don’t know about the rest of you, but this campaign has really hampered my nut-gathering. My pile of nuts needs to be just about doubled if I’m going to make it through the winter.”
Arya the Porch Dog, candidate for vice-president for the Puppy Party, read a formal apology at the press conference. She said, “I am truly sorry for chasing Mr. Squirrel off the deck at the presidential debate. And also for chasing any squirrel that I see or hear. And also for running out through the Dog Door anytime anyone even says ‘Squirrel.’ I am beginning to understand that I am unable to control my actions with regard to Squirrels. I just want to chase them and bark at them. I am investigating programs to help me with this problem. I have heard really good things about SCA — Squirrel Chasers Anonymous. Gotta go … did Someone say Squirrel?”
C. Ariel Squirrel, the flying squirrel who is the vice-presidential candidate for the Rodent Party, declined to appear. In a written statement, she complained, “I don’t know why these press conferences are always in the day time. That’s when I sleep.”
There was no indication as to when the campaign would recommence. Watch this space for ongoing news.
Photo Credit: This outstanding photo of Jack the Scottie was taken by Howard T. Ezell, of Howard T. Ezell Photography, official campaign photographer for Jack the Scottie.