A COMMENTARY BY DR. IDA LOVE CREATURES

From the Editor: This Commentary is best read out loud and with an accent. A British accent would serve very well. But a Southern accent would also work well.

A November Surprise? Perhaps. Or Perhaps Not. I do believe that the video was recorded in October. So that would make it an October Surprise. And I do SO love surprises. But I digress. …

Oh, yes. This Very Short video was recently released by the Rodent Party (it was secretly filmed by Puppyrazzi in the employ of the Rodent Party). It allegedly depicts the raid of a Nut Stash, the very heart of the Rodent Party Polling Place. That is the topic of this Commentary. Mr. P. Nut Squirrel claims that Jack the Scottie and Arya the Porch Dog, Candidates for the Puppy Party in the race for President of the Back Yard, were caught pilfering one of the Nut Stashes in the Back Yard.

I should like to point out that this video appears to have been filmed on the Deck and not in the Middle of a Nut Stash. So I believe that is a Very Important Detail to remember. Secondly, these items appear to be the Shells of Nuts and Not Actual Nuts. So that is a second Very Important Detail to remember.

Mr. P. Nut Squirrel spoke to me from his Winter Bunker. He complained that Jack and Arya were not content to influence their own puppy polls. They also were attempting to skew the Nut Stash Polls in their favor so that they would win the election. Mr. Squirrel seemed Very Stressed Out. He kept disappearing into his nest, rearranging his nuts, and then coming back out to tell me the very same story all over again. I do believe that he might be a bit of a Nut Case. He certainly is obsessed with Nuts.

Oh, but I digress once again. My apologies. Ehem.

I did speak with the dear little puppies, Jack and Arya. Well, Jack did not say much. He’s pretty quiet. Arya said that she found the nut shells in the Back Yard and wanted to play with them. She claimed 100% responsibility for the whole thing. Jack was only sniffing the Nut Shell when it got caught in his beard. He was not planning to wear it around like jewelry.

Arya, the dear pup, is in a recovery program for dogs who chase squirrels. (Oh, wait. Was I supposed to say that? Perhaps not. Please forget that I told you that.)

Thank you, dears, for reading all the way to the end of this commentary. I just have to say that I know that whoever wins the election will do a fine job. But I am a bit worried about the mental health of Mr. Squirrel. (Oh, wait. Was I supposed to say that? Perhaps not. Please forget that I said that.)

Dr. Ida Love Creatures, the moderator of the first and only Presidential Debate is a frequent contributor to Sunday morning news shows on WPUP.