President Jack



NASHVILLE, TN. In a Very Quiet ending to a sometimes Very Raucous campaign season, the canines and the woodland creatures of the Back Yard completed their civic duty and elected Jack as President of the Back Yard. Mr. P. Nut Squirrel happily congratulated the winning party, explaining that he hadn’t understood that being president meant he had to work all year long. “I always take a big break in the winter — too cold, you know. Frankly, I’m relieved that I didn’t win. That would have been Awkward!”

Jack the Scottie gave his acceptance speech sitting on the deck, overlooking the back yard. He said, “I thank you for your support and I thank all of you for being such great friends.” He called for unity and understanding, saying, “I know we are all Very Different. For instance, I cannot understand at all why the birds eat bird seed instead of Dog Food. Or why the squirrels eat nuts. I can’t imagine what it would be like to fly or how some of you can run through the trees like it was on the ground. I’m sure you can’t understand what it is like to have fur instead of feathers and what it is like to be able to go into the house instead of living outside all the time. But just because we are vastly different does not mean that that we shouldn’t be friends. This back yard was created for all of us to share, to take care of, to live peacefully in.”

Jack continued, “In fact, our differences are our strength. If we didn’t have the birds and squirrels, we wouldn’t know what was going on in the neighborhood. You guys really get around! And if we all ate bird seed, there would be a terrible mess everywhere from all the seeds! I need you and you need me. Never forget that, dear friends.”

In a Down Ballot Referendum, there was 100% support of The End of future Party Politics. This is the first step towards a Back Yard which will be governed by consensus. This ballot referendum was brought by The Hummingbirds, who, unfortunately were not able to be present for the win since they were already migrating to South America. (In related news, the Hummingbirds received one write-in vote for President.)

Both Campaigns celebrated by going to bed early. “This campaign stuff is Very Tiring,” said Arya, Vice President-elect of the Back Yard. “I am ready to get back to the fun stuff — running around, chasing my tail, taking naps, eating treats. You know, the usual Dog Stuff.”

Jack’s Campaign officials sent out a word of thanks to all Jack’s supporters, campaign team, poll workers, and Jack’s personal campaign photographer, Howard T. Ezell, who took this excellent photograph of the President and Vice President elect.

From the Editor: It has been a pleasure to report on this year’s campaign. Now, back to the usual news on the neighborhood patrol, diary entries, random poetry, and news from Jack the Scottie and Arya the Porch Dog.

Sunday Morning Talk Shows Continue Nut Stash Controversy


Willola, a special guest commentator from our southern support hits the Sunday morning talk shows to give analysis on the commentary of Dr. Ida Love Creatures. Dr. Creatures gave a commentary last week on the report by the Rodent Campaign that their nut stashes had been pilfered by the opposing candidates, Jack the Scottie and Arya the Porch Dog. WPUP thanks our sister station, WDOG for the footage. The Campaign also thanks the esteemed Willola for her insightful and honest analysis.