President Jack

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NASHVILLE, TN. In a Very Quiet ending to a sometimes Very Raucous campaign season, the canines and the woodland creatures of the Back Yard completed their civic duty and elected Jack as President of the Back Yard. Mr. P. Nut Squirrel happily congratulated the winning party, explaining that he hadn’t understood that being president meant he had to work all year long. “I always take a big break in the winter — too cold, you know. Frankly, I’m relieved that I didn’t win. That would have been Awkward!”

Jack the Scottie gave his acceptance speech sitting on the deck, overlooking the back yard. He said, “I thank you for your support and I thank all of you for being such great friends.” He called for unity and understanding, saying, “I know we are all Very Different. For instance, I cannot understand at all why the birds eat bird seed instead of Dog Food. Or why the squirrels eat nuts. I can’t imagine what it would be like to fly or how some of you can run through the trees like it was on the ground. I’m sure you can’t understand what it is like to have fur instead of feathers and what it is like to be able to go into the house instead of living outside all the time. But just because we are vastly different does not mean that that we shouldn’t be friends. This back yard was created for all of us to share, to take care of, to live peacefully in.”

Jack continued, “In fact, our differences are our strength. If we didn’t have the birds and squirrels, we wouldn’t know what was going on in the neighborhood. You guys really get around! And if we all ate bird seed, there would be a terrible mess everywhere from all the seeds! I need you and you need me. Never forget that, dear friends.”

In a Down Ballot Referendum, there was 100% support of The End of future Party Politics. This is the first step towards a Back Yard which will be governed by consensus. This ballot referendum was brought by The Hummingbirds, who, unfortunately were not able to be present for the win since they were already migrating to South America. (In related news, the Hummingbirds received one write-in vote for President.)

Both Campaigns celebrated by going to bed early. “This campaign stuff is Very Tiring,” said Arya, Vice President-elect of the Back Yard. “I am ready to get back to the fun stuff — running around, chasing my tail, taking naps, eating treats. You know, the usual Dog Stuff.”

Jack’s Campaign officials sent out a word of thanks to all Jack’s supporters, campaign team, poll workers, and Jack’s personal campaign photographer, Howard T. Ezell, who took this excellent photograph of the President and Vice President elect.

From the Editor: It has been a pleasure to report on this year’s campaign. Now, back to the usual news on the neighborhood patrol, diary entries, random poetry, and news from Jack the Scottie and Arya the Porch Dog.

It’s Finally Here

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NASHVILLE, TN. It’s finally voting day (season) in the campaign for President of the Backyard! (Voting starts today and continues until all the woodland creatures have made it to the polls. We’re not sure when that is — woodland creatures are very transitory.)

All the candidates finished with strong closing statements.

Jack and Arya, photographed here by the official campaign photographer, Howard T. Ezell, ended their campaigning at the Dog Park. They reminded all canines and hoomans to do their civic duty and “Vote, but don’t bite anyone.” #votebutdontbiteanyone

Mr. P. Nut Squirrel and his running mate, C. Ariel Squirrel appeared at the National Union of Tree Troopers and Extraordinary Rodents (NUTTER). (Ariel, a Southern flying squirrel, nocturnal, made a rare daytime appearance for the rally.) Squirrel told the NUTTERs that “Fall is here, but Winter is coming.” The whole group took up the chant, “Winter is coming; it’s time to Sleep!” #winteriscomingitstimetosleep

And so, dear friends, go vote, but don’t bit anyone.

First 100 Days — Side by Side Comparison of Scottie and Squirrel

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NASHVILLE, TN. Both candidates in the campaign for President of the Back Yard have released their plans for the 100 hundred days in office, should they be chosen as president. Pundits note that Mr. P. Nut Squirrel plans to “sleep and burrow” during the first 66.67 days of his presidency. “This seems rather odd behavior for a president, but typical for a squirrel,” said Dr. Ida Love Creatures, senior commentator for WPUP.

The chart, as released, is below.

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Voting begins Tuesday, November 8th and continues until all creatures have had a chance to cast their ballot. (Timing is uncertain due to the transitory pattern of woodland creatures.)

Sunday Morning Talk Shows Continue Nut Stash Controversy

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Willola, a special guest commentator from our southern support hits the Sunday morning talk shows to give analysis on the commentary of Dr. Ida Love Creatures. Dr. Creatures gave a commentary last week on the report by the Rodent Campaign that their nut stashes had been pilfered by the opposing candidates, Jack the Scottie and Arya the Porch Dog. WPUP thanks our sister station, WDOG for the footage. The Campaign also thanks the esteemed Willola for her insightful and honest analysis.

Breaking News: Raid on Nut Stash Caught on Film

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A COMMENTARY BY DR. IDA LOVE CREATURES

From the Editor: This Commentary is best read out loud and with an accent. A British accent would serve very well. But a Southern accent would also work well.

A November Surprise? Perhaps. Or Perhaps Not. I do believe that the video was recorded in October. So that would make it an October Surprise. And I do SO love surprises. But I digress. …

Oh, yes. This Very Short video was recently released by the Rodent Party (it was secretly filmed by Puppyrazzi in the employ of the Rodent Party). It allegedly depicts the raid of a Nut Stash, the very heart of the Rodent Party Polling Place. That is the topic of this Commentary. Mr. P. Nut Squirrel claims that Jack the Scottie and Arya the Porch Dog, Candidates for the Puppy Party in the race for President of the Back Yard, were caught pilfering one of the Nut Stashes in the Back Yard.

I should like to point out that this video appears to have been filmed on the Deck and not in the Middle of a Nut Stash. So I believe that is a Very Important Detail to remember. Secondly, these items appear to be the Shells of Nuts and Not Actual Nuts. So that is a second Very Important Detail to remember.

Mr. P. Nut Squirrel spoke to me from his Winter Bunker. He complained that Jack and Arya were not content to influence their own puppy polls. They also were attempting to skew the Nut Stash Polls in their favor so that they would win the election. Mr. Squirrel seemed Very Stressed Out. He kept disappearing into his nest, rearranging his nuts, and then coming back out to tell me the very same story all over again. I do believe that he might be a bit of a Nut Case. He certainly is obsessed with Nuts.

Oh, but I digress once again. My apologies. Ehem.

I did speak with the dear little puppies, Jack and Arya. Well, Jack did not say much. He’s pretty quiet. Arya said that she found the nut shells in the Back Yard and wanted to play with them. She claimed 100% responsibility for the whole thing. Jack was only sniffing the Nut Shell when it got caught in his beard. He was not planning to wear it around like jewelry.

Arya, the dear pup, is in a recovery program for dogs who chase squirrels. (Oh, wait. Was I supposed to say that? Perhaps not. Please forget that I told you that.)

Thank you, dears, for reading all the way to the end of this commentary. I just have to say that I know that whoever wins the election will do a fine job. But I am a bit worried about the mental health of Mr. Squirrel. (Oh, wait. Was I supposed to say that? Perhaps not. Please forget that I said that.)

Dr. Ida Love Creatures, the moderator of the first and only Presidential Debate is a frequent contributor to Sunday morning news shows on WPUP.

Breaking News: Squirrel Cries Foul

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NASHVILLE, TN. Mr. P. Nut Squirrel, Presidential Candidate for the Rodent Party in the Back Yard’s presidential campaign released an attack on Jack the Scottie early today. 

Mr. Squirrel argued that Jack the Scottie was unduly influencing the polls in the neighborhood. Just yesterday, Jack the Scottie and Arya the Porch Dog took a tour of neighborhood polls, finding that Jack’s campaign was surging ahead of Squirrel’s numbers. 

A photo of Jack marking one of the polls was obtained by the Rodent Party from the Puppyrazzi. “Sure, he’s surging in the polls! Look what he’s doing to them! It’s totally disgraceful! I say that Jack’s poll ‘influencing’ has got to stop!”

“Squirrel polls show that I’m on top of the race,” pointed out Mr. Squirrel. (Squirrel polls involved a complicated analysis of nut stashes, a process barely understood by this reporter.)

The campaign had entered a time of civility several weeks ago. Signs point to the end of the detente.