Neighborhood Watch: Return of the Tortoise

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Thursday, 6:32 a.m. (CDT). Morning rounds.

Back yard intruder. Emergency personnel approached loudly and carefully.

Supervisor called emergency personnel to return to post and leave intruder alone.

Emergency personnel ignored supervisor until Treats were promised.

Intruder was relocated to a nearby safe and compatible habitat outside the fence.

Thursday , 6:38 a.m. (CDT). Emergency status terminated and Treats supplied.

A Possum Tail in Three Parts

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A Haiku Story by Jack

Part 1: Pre-Dawn Racket

Fresh in the pre-dawn
A Varmint in our backyard
We wake the neighbors

Part 2: Afternoon Raid

Quiet afternoon
Possum cornered: bark, bark, bark
Mom’s Varmint rescue

Part 3: The End of the Tail

Pest control men here
We are shut up in the house
They search the crawl space

Pest control men leave
No sign of den in our house
Bye bye, men and truck

Pest control men back
Dead possum found at neighbor’s
We did not do it.

RIP Possum

Love,
Jack

Dear Diary, Love, Mom

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Dear Diary,

I might be getting to old for these neighborhood patrol duties. The other day, I had to rescue the dadgum possum in the back yard – again. This was the second possum rescue in two months. (At least this one was in the afternoon and not at 5:30 a.m.)

I was alerted by my neighborhood patrol colleagues that there was an intruder in the back yard. Why the possum chose to take a stroll across the yard in the middle of the afternoon, I have no idea.

Jack and Arya had the possum surrounded on the path and were barking to wake the napping. Jack was creeping closer and closer — and my calls for them to come to me were totally ignored.

The possum was not playing dead — she had her head up and was showing her teeth. I could just imagine her biting one of them. So I came up behind Jack and grabbed him by the tail. I pulled him to me, picked him up, and hightailed it for the back yard gate. Once the two canines were with me on the house side of the gate, I closed it so the possum could continue wherever she was going.

Someone told me later that possums eat lots and lots of ticks. If so, I’m grateful to her. But I don’t want any more possum rescues. Please, Ms. Possum. Stay out of the back yard. And please, Jack and Arya, no more possum hunting!

Love,
Mom

Dear Dairy. Love, Arya

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Dear Diary,

This has been the Worst Day of my life.

I found the most Beautiful Smell in the Back Yard and rolled in it. When Mom got home, she said I had to have A Bath! She even washed my Collar!

Worst of all, My Brother Jack didn’t have to get A Bath. He was Scared, so he Hid in the Closet.

Now my Ears are Tickley.

Until next time.

Love, Arya

PS Maybe tomorrow I can Play in the Back Yard again! ❤️

Scottie Curling Team Goes for Gold

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PYEONGCHANG, KOREA. In other news, the unorthodox methods of the Scottie Curling Team seem to paying off. The team, sponsored by the Middle Fork Scottie Ranch, Lyons, CO are in the finals and are favored for the gold medal. They play the Newcastle Corgies in the best of 10 ends.

Scottie Coach, Angus McFee said, “Scotties are quite suited for the sport of Curling. They love the ice and are very sturdy and compact … those rocks can really knock you about if you are not careful. I don’t know how those Corgies have gotten this far. They are a bit too long in the body for Curling. Now the Skeleton … that’s a sport for Corgies. But I wish them the best of luck in the finals. I’m so proud of my wee team. They are all in for the fun and excitement.”

Watch the match on Animal Planet: Canine in its 24/7 Olympics coverage.